Ode to a Smack

This week a Smack aficionado sent me this email and I could not resist sharing. Thanks Mr G for the thorough account of your Smack eating experimentation.

The world is roughly divided into two clans. Those who eat their Smacks in three bites and those who prefer two bites.
I am a three-biter.Since I have a natural tendency toward eccentric positions, I considered other options for a while, but actually one-biters are barbarians, and I suspect four-biters to suffer from obsessional disorders.

Being a three-biter requires a lot of self-control. Kids are typically two-biters and I can understand that. I used to be a two-biter as well, and I remember I felt like Ulysses listening to the sirens when I decided to turn my usual final last bite into two smaller bites. Wise people know the benefits of slow savoring. Yoda would undoubtedly be a three-biter.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, once you know in which biter category you fall, you are not done yet. As for every sophisticated meal, the definition of your own Smack eating process is not trivial. In fact, the Smack eater faces a terrible dilemma at each bite.

You can eat the top of the Smack. It is the most beautiful and its crunchiest part. For these reasons, it is also the most attractive part. The top of the Smack is the sirens’ song. My two kids fell into the trap and literally devoured the top of their Smacks. But remember Yoda, strong you have to be. If you eat the top of your Smack first, then the following bites, whether you are a two or a three-biter, are less crunchy, and visually less attractive. Isn’t that a high price to pay for a few seconds of pure heaven?

The side of the Smack is the traditional choice of reasonable three-biters. Indeed , the sides mix all savors of the Smack. They also give you a direct access to its flavorful core. Additionally, you have no impact on the tasting quality of your next bites. Cartesian people love eating their Smacks from the side. It is however less orgasmic. Like a physicist reading a book of love poems, doubt might set in. Am I missing something…? 

Eating your Smack from the bottom is a strange decision. It is the largest part of the smack, so you have to widely open your mouth. It is also visually less attractive. Of course, I tried it. To my surprise, I discovered that the bottom reveals a secret path to the densest and tastiest part of the Smack’s core. Moreover, the flavor is not immediate. It subtly arrives from nowhere after few seconds of crunchy taste. It is however hard to not eat half of your Smack in one bite. To summarize, eating the Smack from the bottom is reserved to adventurous two-biters.

Now, for my personal recommendation. If you have a childish (aka Epicurean) personality, I strongly recommend two-bites. Forget the sides (S). Start with the ecstatic top of the smack (T), then reverse the smack in order to eat from the bottom (B). Please don’t go too deep for your first bite, you would ruin the quality of the second one. If you are a wise sophisticated person, you should go for an S-T-S approach. And believe me: you won’t miss anything. It is actually my favorite Smack eating process.

And you, what kind of Smack eater are you?

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